It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just tell him i said nine months
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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