you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
