I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
