I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
