well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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