lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
