At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
