I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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