what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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