I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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