Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
