I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
