thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
