Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
