I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
