Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
