I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
