Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
