1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
