I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
