How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the condom got lost in my hair
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
