Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
