just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
