Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
handjob tips. give me some.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
