remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
