he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
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