Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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