It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
