i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
