he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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