i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
