help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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