The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
