Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
