If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
