there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
