Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
