One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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