Sponge bath it is.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
