Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
