So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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