Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
