Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
