I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
