you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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