I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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