I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
