I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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