Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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