I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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